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Prose by 91816119

Suggested DLD's and DLR's by SilverInkblot

Word art by Arcane-Shadow-Razil

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Submitted on
September 9, 2012
File Size
3.6 KB


14 (who?)


Creative Commons License
Some rights reserved. This work is licensed under a
Creative Commons Attribution-Noncommercial-No Derivative Works 3.0 License.
They had told me how it was going to be.

I was to lie still, and let them do the work, but hey, I never agreed to not scream, did I?

So I screamed. I screamed as if there was no tomorrow. I screamed because the local anesthesia didn't quite mask the effect of the six inch knife that was now slicing its way across my gut, the blood flowing down the sides, onto the table.

"Clench on this." The orderly pressed down a cloth firmly into my open mouth. The dry cloth smelt, but there was nothing I could do about it. So I clenched, as hard as I could. I must have been clenching really hard, since I think I passed out.

When I woke up the bearded doctor was standing over me, his pearly white teeth gleaming in the fluorescent light that hung over the window. A sulking nurse stood on the other side of the bed.

"It was a successful operation. You rest for now," he patted me on the shoulder. Leaving, he motioned to the nurse, "If you will."

From the corner of my eye, I saw the nurse inject something into the IV drip that they had hooked me up to, and then I fell back again into the void.

The next time I woke up, it was morning. As a faint light ray danced its way from the window onto my bed,I lay for quite some while, slowly caressing my belly, within which a robotic kidney now whirred away. The slight hum that it made was strangely loud in this grey and empty room, but I guessed I would slowly become more accustomed to the noise as days passed me by.

Suddenly a sharp stab of pain shot up my abdomen. "Nurse, Nurse, NURSE!"

A minute and another injection later I was back into the dreamless void.

This time, when I woke up, it was night, or it could have been evening. I didn't really know for sure. They had drawn up the thick curtains, so it was impossible to guess. The fluorescent light lit up the room once again. I made no attempt to move; mainly because the last attempt had broken any will I had got left. So for the second time, I lay there, just waiting, for my friend the void to take me back.

After a few days of drifting in and out of the dreamless void, I was finally able to stand and walk around. The faint humming sound was almost a part of me now, I rarely noticed it anymore. The new kidney was working fine, I could tell by the nature calls. The bearded doctor would come and check on me sometimes, asking the same question every time, "All well?" I would only nod and try to smile.

Later that day I slowly made my way from the room to the receptionist.

"Wait here", she said when I approached her. A few moments later she was back with my sparse belongings in one hand and a fat envelope in another. "That's twelve thousand in cash as discussed." she said handing me the envelope.

"Nice doing business with you." I put out my hand, but she didn't shake it.

But then she never did.

As I made my way out the back door of the hospital, I was keenly aware that I could not keep this up for long. After this one, just a few sellable ones were left. Actually just three more organs, and after that even this doctor would refuse to do business with me.

Hopefully the little girl who got the kidney would never have to go down that road, but then again her parents had money.

Pah, who the hell cared? The artificial sun they had put up after the War was almost on his way down, and there were crisp notes in my pocket.

It was time for a hard earned drink.
Spur of the moment stories. You gotta love them.

666 words. Weird.

*EDIT* After reading it again and again, I feel it demands a re-write. The flow is simply not there. So, I'm on it!

Now it looks alright. Until the next time I stumble upon this!
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khaos-gurl Featured By Owner Sep 26, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
Really awesome...I love the feel of it really lets you feel what the character is going through! :D
SiNg0d Featured By Owner Oct 2, 2012  Student General Artist
Thanks a lot!
DailyLitDeviations Featured By Owner Sep 26, 2012
Your wonderful literary work has been chosen to be featured by =DailyLitDeviations in a news article that can be found here: [link]

Be sure to check out the other artists featured and show your support by :+fav:ing the News Article. Keep writing and keep creating.
SiNg0d Featured By Owner Oct 2, 2012  Student General Artist
Thanks a lot for the feature!
kittiasher Featured By Owner Sep 20, 2012
Line 1: I think you meant to omit the word "that"
Line 2 needs a comma after "hey"
Paragraph 5: "breaded" should be "bearded"
Paragraph 6 needs a comma after "Leaving"

I think that's it, hun. Need anything else, feel free to ask!!! Hugs!!!
SiNg0d Featured By Owner Sep 23, 2012  Student General Artist
Fixed it.

Thanks a lot dear.
kittiasher Featured By Owner Sep 12, 2012
I really like this one, my friend. There are a few type-os in the first part, but other than that, I think the flow is fine. I really like the way the story reveals itself. Nicely done!
SiNg0d Featured By Owner Sep 13, 2012  Student General Artist
Thanks a lot!

Could you point me to typos so I can correct them?
kittiasher Featured By Owner Sep 20, 2012
Oh, sure. NP, hun.
designed-devil Featured By Owner Sep 9, 2012  Professional Filmographer
awesome story. It builds really well.
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